The Narcissist:
According to the Diagnostic and
Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (2013) Narcissistic Personality Disorder
diagnostic criteria are as follows:
·
Persistent
pattern of grandiosity
·
Requires
disproportionate admiration.
·
Largely
lacking in empathy or unwillingness to recognize others’ feelings.
·
Self-importance
(unjustifiably high importance of ones self, their accomplishments, their
abilities)
·
Requires
acknowledgment of their preeminence with little corresponding accomplishments.
·
Consumed
with fantasies of unparalleled beauty, success, intelligence, love and
wealth.
·
Feelings
of being outside the norm and therefore can only be understood by those of
prominence.
·
Self-entitled
and expects special treatment.
·
Manipulative
and exploitative of others for selfish needs.
·
Jealous
and resentful of others and believes others are jealous of them.
“Narcissism” originated from the Greek myth of
Narcissus, who was a handsome young man who fell in love with his own
reflection from the river water and remained there until he died (Editors of Encyclopedia Britannica, 2014).
Narcissus,
wall painting; from the House of Lucretius Fronto, Pompeii, Italy, ad 14-62.
Alinari/Art
Resurse, New York
Freudian psychoanalysis of
narcissism suggests that it is a necessary for all people to be
narcissistic. He believed that we are
all driven by personal agendas and survival instincts; which he called primary
narcissism. In terms of personality and
relationships Freud spoke of narcissistic love suggesting,
“A person may love: According to
the narcissistic type:
·
What
he himself is (himself)
·
What
he himself was,
·
What
he himself would like to be,
·
Someone
who was once part of himself” (Jackson, 1995, p. 27)
It
is because of this need for self-love and superiority at the expense of others,
narcissism is often a predictor of infidelity.
Why Narcissist Cheat
Narcissistic people need to feel in
control, have power over people, constantly requiring the admiration from
others and their short attention span are just a few of the reasons narcissists
are often not able to commit. They often
idealize their mates in the beginning of a relationship and set unreachable
expectations for them. Believing that
their mate, "should meet his every sexual and emotional need 24/7/365,
without fail. In his narcissistic and self-focused way, he doesn’t understand
that his spouse may be juggling multiple priorities in addition to him and the
relationship" (Diamond, 2010). Once
their partner does not meet their impossible expectations they feel entitled to
look to someone else for someone who fills their needs.
Another reason is that true
intimacy cannot exist for them because they are not able to empathize with
another person. According to the
investment model, commitment is made up of satisfaction, investments and
alternatives. “Narcissists perceive
greater alternative to their relationships and this leads to lesser commitment
(Campbell & Foster, 2002 in vous). It
is because narcissists are always looking for more admiration they are very
aware of their alternatives and therefore seek them out.
From the admiration of others, a
narcissistic person may gain an emotional high or rush. Similar to a drug addiction, they are constantly
looking to increase the high once they are desensitized to it. Cheating then becomes sport like and can be
described as “fun” by a narcissistic person.
They are energized from it and therefore are in a constant quest for
praise and admiration. Knowing they need
admiration, like a car needs gas, a narcissistic person is always putting their
best foot forward in order to attract their current or their future romantic
conquests (Wood, 2008).
Rationalizing “Bad” Behavior
According Sperry (2003), when a
person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is confronted with their moral
mishaps they rationalize their behaviors using eleven defense mechanisms such
as, but not limited to, the following:
-Intellectualization: The client
uses excessive abstract thinking, intellectual reasoning, or generalizations to
control or minimize emotional discomfort.
-Repression: The client expels
disturbing wishes, thoughts, or experiences from consciousness. The emotions
may remain.
-Devaluation. The client attributes
grossly exaggerated negative qualities to themselves or to others.
-Projection. The client falsely
attributes to another person their own unacceptable feelings, impulses or
thoughts. This is a protective measure to prevent the erosion of self.
-Rationalization. The client
conceals their true motivations for their own thoughts, actions, or feelings
through the elaboration of reassuring or self-serving but incorrect
explanations” (Sperry, 2003).
From
the narcissist’s perspective using these defense excuses their behavior and
those around them accept it and will not prosecute them for it. The narcissist, in turn, has gotten all
he/she needs from the relationship and will continue to commit the bad behavior
as long as they can rationalize it.
Although people with narcissistic
personality traits feel little empathy for those they cheat on they are not
purposely trying to hurt their partner.
It has very little to do with the partner at all because the narcissists
does not naturally put themselves in the other persons shoes and therefore does
not comprehend the trauma and pain they have caused their mate.
Therese
Schmoll treats both narcissist and those in relationships with a narcissist in
her practice. To schedule and initial consultation, please call her office at
(310) 281-6977.
References
Campbell, W., & Foster, J. Narcissism and
Resistance To Doubts About Romantic Partners. Journal of Research in
Personality, , 550-557.
Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental
disorders: DSM-5. (5th ed.). (2013). Washington, D.C.:
American Psychiatric Association.
Editors of Encyclopædia Britannica. (2014, January 2).
Narcissus (Greek mythology). Encyclopedia Britannica Online.
Retrieved March 5, 2014, from
http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/403458/Narcissus
Foster, C. A., & Campbell, W. K. (). Narcissism And
Commitment In Romantic Relationships: An Investment Model Analysis. Personality
and Social Psychology Bulletin, , 484-495.
Jackson, E. (1995). Calling the Question. Strategies
of deviance studies in gay male representation. Bloomington: Indiana
University Press.
Mayo Clinic Staff. (n.d.). Narcissistic
personality disorder. Definition. Retrieved April 16, 2014, from http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/basics/definition/con-20025568
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
Treatment, Symptoms, Causes - MedicineNet. (2012, May 31).MedicineNet.
Retrieved April 3, 2014, from http://www.medicinenet.co
m/narcissistic_personality_disorder/article.htm
Sperry, L. (2003). Handbook of diagnosis and
treatment of DSM-IV-TR personality disorders (2nd ed.). New York, NY:
Brunner-Routledge.
Wood,
J. V. (2008). Narcissism and Interpersonal Self-Regulation. The self
and social relationships (). New York: Psychology Press.
