When young children experience anxiety, even the most well meaning parent can fall into the trap of not wanting the child to suffer and in some cases making the condition worse.
Psychologist, Clark Goldstein, Phd, at NYU Langone, identifies steps to help you, as a parent, and your child cope with the anxiety cycle.
(1) Understand that your goal is not to eliminate the anxiety, but help your child manage it. Most parents do not want to see their child unhappy or anxious. However, removing the triggers/stressors is not the answer. Helping your child cope with symptoms of anxiety and learning to manage these symptoms may help your child's symptoms over time.
(2) Do not avoid a situation because it makes your child anxious. If you remove your child from the situation that has triggered the anxiety, he/she may not learn how to cope with the situation. Talk your child through the situation until he/she is calm.
(3) Express positive, but realistic expectations. Making empty promises to a child around his/her fears may not be helpful to your child’s personal development. Instead, you may want to express to your child that he/she will be OK facing the fear. This approach may give your child the confidence he/she needs to work through the situation.
(4) Respect and acknowledge your child's feelings. As a parent, it is important to understand that validating your child's feelings does not mean that you are in agreement with them. You do not want to downplay your child's fears, nor do you want to bring too much attention to them. Listen and be empathetic and help him/her understand what it is triggering his/her anxiety. Encourage your child to face his his/her anxiety.
(5) Talk your child through his/her fears. It might help your child to answer the questions that may challenge his/her beliefs: "What proof do you have that this situation will happen? If this situation does happen, what options do you have to help yourself?”
(6) Model healthy ways of handling anxiety. You can teach your child how to handle anxiety, by showing them how you handle anxiety yourself. Children are very retentive and will listen/see how you act in certain situations. If you handle a stressful situation in a calm manner, your child will learn this as well.
Symptoms of
anxiety may often illicit other feelings in children which may include
frustration and anger. Your child may
even present as if he/she is confused and lacks concentration. In summary, if
your child is experiencing symptoms of anxiety, these tips may help: 1. Let your
child know that he/she is not alone. 2. Normalize your child’s fears; 3. Allow your child to talk about his/her
feelings around the situation that is triggering the symptoms of anxiety;
4. Encourage your child to face his/her fears.
These techniques may help your child lower his/her stress level as well help
your child manage more effectively his/her symptoms of anxiety.
Goldstein, Clark Phd. (What to Do (and Not Do) When Children Are Anxious) http://childmind.org/article/what-to-do-and-not-do-when-children-are-anxious/
Ms. Schmoll
has helped many children ages 3-10 years old identify and manage their symptoms
of anxiety. Her office is located at
9171 Wilshire Blvd.,, Penthouse, Beverly Hills, CA 90210. If you think that your child may benefit from
psychotherapy services, please contact Ms. Schmoll for a consultation at (310)
281-6977.
